Monday, March 18, 2013

Blarney Stoned!

Like every great tradition in our world that has been befouled by us Americans into a reason to drink and become idiots, this weekend was no exception.  This weekend we celebrated St. Patrick's Day in true American fashion.  With beer, more beer, green everything, more beer, some Scottish kilts, (figure that one out), more beer, vomiting on the sidewalk, beer, a shot of Jameson, more beer, drunk and disorderly conduct, and finally, beer.  Denver was no exception to this rule.  In fact, I would venture to say that Denver exemplified the great American tradition of any excuse to drink better than most cities in the country.  The 3 day St. Patty's fest started Friday, with people drunk off the their butts by 3 PM.  It's a WORK DAY PEOPLE!

I partook in this great tradition on Saturday with a marathon of day drinking that started at 10 AM.  There was supposedly a parade going on too....but other than some fancy cars and a marching band or two, I wouldn't call it much of a parade.  But what do I know, I was drinking Guinness by 10:30 AM.  The next morning, filled with regret that I had drank so much the day before, but glad I stopped before it was too late, I wondered if this was how the original St. Patrick felt when he drove Voldemort and the other Parsel-tongues out of Ireland.  (I never actually wiki'd what this holiday was about, but I assume that's right.)

As I said, this was a 3 Day festival, and the drinking and debauchery continued Sunday.  While I took the day off from the celebration, I did participate by almost killing like 10 drunk people on my drive home from a friend's house last night.  But such are our traditions here in this great nation.  While this morning's streets were filled with broken beer bottles, and our hospitals filled with great citizens needing stomach pumps, I am glad that the drinking holiday season is slowing down.  I don't think we have another reason to try to kill ourselves with alcohol before Cinco de Mayo now....I mean, what else can we use as a reason to drink??  April get drunk like a fool's Day?  Fall on your Keester Easter? Take your Daughter to Work Day??!  Oh wait, I have the best reason to drink right here in front me.  Monday...

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