After months and months of dark winter, today marks the first day of Spring. All around the country, people woke up to droplets of morning dew formed on lush green leaves, flowers blooming into life, birds finding mates in ways only seen in cartoons! The first hint of warmth and sunshine after the dreary winter cold……
So why the hell did I wake up to 18 degree wind chill this morning on my trudge to work? Why is the high today only 41 degrees or something, and WHY GOD WHY is it supposed to snow this weekend?!? What cruel joke is this, where the groundhog didn’t see his shadow, but was too lazy to get out of bed and punished us with a longer winter?
You might think I’m losing it over here, but honestly, it’s mostly my natural overreaction to everything, followed by a gentle tapering off into a place of peace and deep thought, which is finally interrupted by acid reflux. Now that the ranting stage is over, let’s consider what we DO have to look forward to in the coming year. There are several great things happening in this world right now that warm my heart in a way that the great state of Colorado refuses to.
1. A story out of the UK where a gentleman named Barton Simpson appeared in court to answer allegations that he brought a prohibited firearm to the airport last year. The judge in his case was the esteemed Recorder Burns of the Warwick Crown Court in Warwickshire. That’s right, Bart Simpson was on trial in front of Mr. Burns!
2. Today, 35 years after its launch, Voyager 1 has blasted through the outermost layer of our solar system at an astounding 10.72 miles per second and has made its way into deep space. For those of you that don’t know, deep space is like regular space, but isn’t named after a candy bar. Voyager 1 took some of the first pictures of Jupiter in 1979 and Saturn in 1980. One day, along its great journey, we may finally find out where the idiots at Fox News actually came from.
3. Finally, a gentleman last Saturday after having way too many beers celebrating St. Patrick’s Day went to a brewery and asked for chicken tenders from the server, even though they were not on the menu. A debate quickly ensued between the server, who stated that chicken tenders were bar food and not worthy of the restaurant. The patron quickly countered that chicken tenders were not just simple bar food, that they were in fact AMERICAN food, and that no AMERICAN establishment in this great country should refuse chicken tenders to anybody who claims the right to ask for them. The server, with a new fervor in his eyes of renewed patriotism agreed to bring the patron a kids’ chicken fingers as long as he hid his beer when they were served. A great win for our country was had that day.
And that, non-existent readers, is why America is great. Wait what was the point of this post? Never mind, here comes the acid reflux…