Thursday, April 11, 2013

Spring Cleaning

Despite the fact that we had snow on Tuesday, and the fact that it was 25 degrees walking to work this morning, it is in fact, Spring, here in Denver.  Springtime is a time of renewal.  A time to wake up from the winter funk, shed all the several layers of coats and breathe in the fresh air (not recommended in Los Angeles) and prepare yourself for a year of fun-filled outdoor activities, and the Greatest American Summer (GAS) of your life!  But to get ready for your GAS, you have to first shed the remnants of your past, the old dusty belongings hoarded in your basements, so that you can live this year unfettered of worries and old baggage. 

So in the spirit and hope of having the GAS, I too am participating in this Springly ritual, and dusting off my own old and worn vocabulary!  The time to rid myself of douchey words and phrases is now.  It's like I let my vocabulary's collar get popped, and never looked at it in the mirror until now.  So here's some of the worst offenders out of my mouth.  Please feel free to add to this list!

1.  Shit Show - Referencing a bar or club where everybody is so drunk, they are completely out of control and should have stopped drinking several, SEVERAL beers ago.  The word is almost idolized by douchebags everywhere as some sort of ultimate doucheZEN state of being.  "We have achieved shit show".  Sayanara shit show!

2.  Whatev's - While I do appreciate a good abbrev, I have to say this is one that bugs me even when I say it.  Whatever is already the most annoying word in the English language, but an abbrev of it is twice as annoying.  Well you know what?  It's GONE.

3.  Lame. - Not an overly offensive term, but definitely overused.  I feel like it's the most politically correct thing I can say in a situation when I have nothing else to say.  It's the negative version of cool.  "Cool" by the way, is the best thing to say in any text / IM / gchat conversation when you're trying to end it.  There is no response to "cool".  Once it's said, the convo hits an impasse.

4.  Dude. - I don't often say it anymore, but every once in awhile it slips out.  I don't think I ever liked this word, but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles told me I had to say it frequently back in the day.  With this new, completely butchered version of the movie coming out, now is a good time to boycott everything I ever learned from them and cut this word out completely.

5.  WTF - I know, I know.  This one is highly controversial.  But in general, I hate saying acronyms exactly as they're typed.  I find myself doing it more and more, and it makes me angry every time I do it.  Sure, ok, fine, it's great to type.  But when you say, USE YOUR WORDS!!  Anyways, it's outta here!

So that's the short list of spring cleaning in my brain.  If you think of other annoying things I say, feel free to tell me.  Luckily nobody reads this so I'm safe.

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