Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Can You Imagine What I Would Do, If I Could Do All I Can?

Last week, CO Governor John Hickenlooper announced the launch of the Glorious Failure:  In Search of Success Innovation Challenge, a statewide business competition that encourages creativity and responsible risk-taking.  The program seeks to foster growth in seven different advanced industries.  These are:  Information and Technology, Aerospace, Energy and Natural Resources, Infrastructure Engineering, Advanced Manufacturing, Bioscience, and Electronics.

In the same spirit of innovation, and trail-blazing ideas that advance our culture, I too would like to offer some ideas that have been floating around in my head.  While hardly any of these would qualify as an "advanced industry", I think they're important.  Also, I don't know if any of these are particularly innovative.  Basically, they're all just dumb ideas I've thought of and need some help making them come true.  So if you read this, russian scientist who scours blog websites, just give me some credit and maybe free samples when you invent any of these things for real:

1.  A food truck that specializes in drinks for runners after a run.  Whether it be smoothie, coffee, or a bloody marry, the Road Soda (Name is subject to change of course) will go, whenever you no longer want to.  Leave the paper bowls overloaded to nachos to street food cart festivals.  What you need after that refreshing job around Sloans Lake, is a newspaper and a mimosa.  And Jogger Juice is there for you!

2.  Eye drops that counter the effect of onion tears.  Never again do you need to wear unseemly eye goggles, nor do you unleash your feelings into chopping an onion.  With these magnificant eye drops, nobody will be none the wiser to your less than pleasant onion chopping experience!

3.  Expandable umbrella awnings for car doors.  Why fiddle with an umbrella, while getting yourself and the inside of your car soaked?  Seems like that would serve the opposite of its purpose!  Instead, give yourself a little shelter, and a little extra room to get that umbrella with a wider span than a bald eagle open.  A completely collapsible awning covering you when you open the car door, the carbrella is all you need to stay dry, when you're getting ready to face mother nature's fury.

4.   Dress shoe skates.  The only way to make that morning walk to work worth the effort, (aside from avoiding getting fired), is if you can turn that walk into an exhilerating thrill ride down busy downtown sidewalks.  With the dress shoe skates, with collapsible wheels, your skates and your shoes are all in one.  How were you the first one at the meeting?  in line at the cafeteria?  In/Out the bathroom?  Because you went there at lightening fast speeds!  I've actually emailed Heely about this one, and they weren't interested.  Jerks.

5.  A smartphone that works exactly how it's supposed to for more than 6 months!  Now this one may just be a fantasy, but how amazing would it be if your fancy new $300 phone worked just as well one year into your contract as it did the day you bought it.  But even some dreams will never be achievable in my lifetime.

Of course, not all innovation is great.  Just months after JC Penny launched a campaign to rebrand themselves, as the apologetic retailer who's finally on board with your hip new lifestyle, they went and innovated a way to make their small appliances promote hate.  I mean, Jesus Christ Penny's! (see what I did there?), get a new advertising agency!

I hope after you read this, you too will innovate.  If nothing else, I'd appreciate some ideas for a name for my food truck up above....Sweat and Sip?

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