Friday, May 24, 2013

I Just Wanna Fly (High-a High-a High-a High!)

Today, while brainstorming with a friend on how to get extended paid time off of work, I advised her that blinding herself at work would probably be the best way to ensure long term disability benefits without the risk of having to do any actual work (unless they make reg books in braile...)

Of course, self-blinding comes with the risk of....permanantly being blind.  But there are millions of blind people who seem to get around just fine in this country, with the assistance of comically long walking sticks, some level of ESP, but most commonly, seeing-eye dogs.  One thing you don't often see however, are Seeing Eye Falcons.  Why have we let this yet untapped resource go to waste?  So far, the mighty falcon is typically only used in medieval hunting, but what you may not know, is that the Falcon scores the highest ratings when it comes to avian intelligence.  Don't believe me?  Maybe you should watch a little movie called Jurassic Park!  Oh yes, the falcon is part of the raptor family, and though evolution may have given that dino wings, nobody can argue that a raptor was probably the smartest of all dinosaurs.  (I mean one of them even got a job as starting center for the Miami Heat!)

If the sheer knowledge of this idea hasn't impressed you, then let me persuade you with these facts on why seeing eye falcons would be probably the greatest thing ever:

1.  No jerk on the street would stop and pet your falcon.  Or if they did they'd be one hand shorter from then on.

2.  Falcons can see for like 500 feet.  That means it will know when that speeding ferrari is trying to beat the light, while your seeing eye dog is off staring at squirrels.

3.  Every time a seeing eye falcon (raptor) saves your life, you can say, "Clever girl...."

4.  Seeing eye falcons are still natural hunters (see the hand removal comment above.)  You'd save a bundle on food since it would just scavenge from above.

5.  Seeing Eye Falcons are sure to impress everybody on kite flying days.

6.  Seeing Eye Falcons can dive at speeds of like 220 mph.  That means it will pick up your loose change before it drops on the ground!

7.  Seeing Eye Falcons are the perfect mascot for the "Soar Like a Falcon" 5K Race for Awareness to understand Blindness

8.  There's no fine for not picking up bird poop is there?

9.  Seeing Eye Falcons are patient.  They require no love, no affection.  They just sit on their perch.....waiting.  When you're ready to go, you just rip off that hood (Simon Pegg movie style) and GO.

10.  Because when people pity you for being blind, you say, look up in the sky!  and then BOOM your falcon blinds them too.

Finally, here's some sweet falcon imagery to carry with you through the long weekend.

Falcon FPF!!  You didn't think I'd forget about Fist Pump Friday did you??

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