Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Spring Sting of an Endless Blizzard

The constant push/pull of this Spring weather here in Denver lately has been a real energy sapper.  With beautiful weekends in the upper 70s followed by a mid-week blizzard, it's a wonder I haven't contracted a mega-flu bug.  I guess those flu shots know the one i got over 6 months ago?

Today I learned is May Day (a fact that became so much more reasonable when I realized it was not in fact April 30th).  And on this particular May Day, when you might expect to see Tulips blooming in the garden, and birds mating in the trees, and other sexualized images in nature, instead I was greeted this morning with a snow storm.  Flakes the size of silver dollars would fall and drench my ski jacket on the way to work.  As usual, whenever I don that large coat outside of the ski slopes, I feel the burning, judging eyes of native Denverites with their thick beards and mason jars filled with gin drinks laughing at me for wearing a thick coat and a hood.  The concierge at the front desk of my office building commented so gailfully, "You are bundled up!"

Yes.  Thank you idiot, for pointing out the fact that I wear a jacket when it is snowing outside.  Perhaps the gin in your mason jar keeps you warm, but for my morning stroll to work, I'll stick with the jacket.  But here I am....tired, done with this snow.  The wonderfully warm weekends have only made these snowy days that much more bitter.  In fact, the only things I hate more than a May 1st snowstorm are.............

1.  People who state facts so loudly you feel embarrassed that they're true (Read above about the idiot lady)

2.  The last 3 seasons of The Office

3.  North Korea.  They invented Pho, but then they went crazy.

4.  The names Zack, Danny and Mischa.  All d-bag names.

5.  The nicknames Chief or Bro.  Strangely, I have no problem with Boss.  And I wish to God somebody would call me Cap'n.

6.  People who feel the need to explain something to you when they clearly don't know the answer.

7.  People who feel the need to patronizingly "let you get to the answer yourself" when they clearly know it.

8.  Jokers, chumps, and fools.  (I try not to suffer any of them)

9.  heavily chlorinated water.

10.  Camouflage anything.  No better way to stand out, then dress head to toe in crap that's supposed to make you blend in.  Better to just wear a shirt that says, "I'm a racist!  I don't understand and therefore hate you!  America would be great if it wasn't for all these Americans!"

And that's it for today.  Don't even have the energy now to finish thi...

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