Tuesday, June 11, 2013

An Amuse Bouche of Tuesday Musings

Sitting here in my office, after being disappointed that the weekly Tuesday morning meeting was cancelled.  It's the best part of the work week, because it's one of the few times I actually leave my office.  Usually I just sent snide and snarky emails from my office to the other people sitting less than 15 feet away from me.

To pass the time, I am here to provide you with some random thoughts, feelings, and controversial beliefs that are either mine, or stuff that I stole from the internet and am taking full credit for.  Feel free to do the same...

1.  You know what's annoying?  Live Tweeting.  Twitter is at best a somewhat ok distraction until people's annoying advertisements or tweets about Justin Bieber make you sign off.  But when you  only have about a 10 minute interval to check twitter, the last thing you want is 12652351623 tweets about the Tonys as they're happening to blow up your twitter page.  I want to know what Aziz Ansari thinks about small dogs, not see your 400 hashtags in a row about something I clearly don't understand since I wasn't watching you tweet while simulataneously watching the award show you freak!

2.  Gluten Free Diets - It's basically just Atkins.  If you aren't allergic to gluten, stop doing these stupid level 10 blackbelt diets that aren't actually healthy for you.

3.  Everytime I see The Karate Kid is about to be shown on TBS or TNT, only to find out it's the awful one with Jaden Smith, a piece of  my soul dies.......but yes, I still watch it.

4.  Best name for an abortion clinic?  "Birth Ctrl + Z:  Undo that baby!"

5.  I'm convinced that elephants know more than they're telling us.  They just seem so wise.  Sea Turtles are hiding things too, but I feel like it's not stuff that's even relevant anymore.  Stupid turtles.

6.  Why is cereal at night so much more satisfying than cereal in the morning?  Also, why doesn't every meal include sausage links?

7.  An earthbox is any kind of sub irrigation planter where water is sucked up to the roots from a water reservoir below the soil surface.  And it doesn't matter what it's made of no matter what you say Jane!

8.  Summer brings out the schizo's in Denver in full force.  And for some reason they all come after me.  My arch nemesis hangs out on Larimer between 20th and 21st.  No matter where I am walking, when he sees me, he comes at me.  He looks like a cracked out version of Santa's leaner alternate dimension brother. 

9.  I may or may not have already created a fantasy football team for next season.  And I may have done that 12 days ago when Yahoo first let me.

10.  People would be a lot happier if they just lived their lives based on John Legend lyrics.

Well that's it for this edition of "Dumb crap this guy says."  Until next time!


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