Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Eternal Confusion of a Spotty Mind

Yesterday, a friend asked me what it would be like, if you could plug wires into my brain and see what I think about all day.  After filtering out the R-Rated stuff, this is what I think would come out on the report:

 - Remember when Twitter used to just be Justin Bieber hashtags?

 - Speaking of Twitter, anybody with more than 3 tweets in a row, or 3 #’s in a row, I stop following immediately.

 - I should never have posted an Instagram picture to Facebook.  Now I’m getting followers I never asked for….Is there no privacy in public social network sites anymore???

 - As usual I’m late to the game on what’s hot on the internet, and only just now discovered Barack Dubs on youtube.  I’m pretty obsessed with it right now.  Check out Can’t Touch This and SexyBack.  They’re my two favorite on there.

 - I can’t get passed level 23 on candy crush saga, and it’s pissing me off.

 - What if there was a modeling competition show that put babies against ducks?  It would be called America’s Next Top Waddle.

 - Or if it was between different politicians, I guess it would be American’s Next Top Waffle.

 - I wish I brought my leftover pork tenderloin with coconut cranberry sauce that I made last night to work today for lunch.  (See ladies, I’m a catch!)

 - How is it that I can sit through two hours of Bank Secrecy Act training and not remember a single thing that was said?

 - Where ARE my car keys?

 - I better dress to impress today when I go to Project Angel Heart.  They’re having paparazzi there to take pictures of the kitchen crew.  Obviously, the Tuesday night crew is the most photogenic.  This could be my big break.  Once my face is out there, all my great schemes and ideas will have a lot more credibility.  People will recognize me as the face on the side of that van that delivers food, they think….but not sure.  All Indians look the same.  Racists.

 - I hate when people merge adjectives.  Ginormous.  Guesstimate.  Craptastic.  It doesn’t add to anything.  All those words are stupidiotic.

 - Craisins are delicious, but based on my previous thought, I guess I should hate them too.

And that’s it folks!  That’s a short preview of the inner workings of my brain, censored for your enjoyment.  Hope we can still be friends.

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