Friday, June 7, 2013

Friday: Always Good Fist Pumps...Always

In Denver, there are really two major grocery store chains.  You have your Safeway, a traditional big box store with produce and meat that looks like it’s been in the case for the last decade.  Then you have your King Soopers, an inexplicably 24-hour grocery store, that often has no front door.  Seriously, it’s just an opening, like entering a grocery cave.  So weird.  But for the elite shoppers who actually want their produce to look like it was flown in that day, and meat to look like it doesn’t have bacteria growing on it, they go to the CO grocer’s mecca, Whole Foods.  With its brightly lit sections, vast array of cheese and gluten free, sustainable, GMO free, anti-government soaps that probably save endangered species, it is a place that caters to everyone!

As long as everyone refers to an upper middle class white population of post-yoga moms and faux-hippies who only shower in patchouli.  I’ve long disagreed with Whole Foods for their ridiculously overpriced everything, and stores that are so incredibly over crowded with stuff, you hyperventilate the minute you walk in there.  The stores themselves are too big.  They’re basically a Wal-Mart Super Center with a better marketing rep.  I think it’s a funny comparison too.  The same quip about, “I only shop at Whole Foods cos I know they will have what I’m looking for” can also be said about Wal-Mart, except if you say THAT to anybody, they’d probably respond with, “Ew gross!  But it’s WAL-MART!  They’re so evil!!”

Are they?  Have they crushed every attempt of their employees from unionizing?  Are they the big box grocer knocking smaller regional grocery stores out of business?  Well yes.  But guess what?  So has Whole Foods!  But here’s where Whole Foods stands out.

A store in Albuquerque recently fired two of their workers for violating the store’s “English-Only” policy at work.  The two workers were speaking Spanish to each other at the store, and for that were fired.  Sure you can pierce every part of your face, and the last time you showered might have been 2003, but don’t you dare speak anything other than English.  Forget the fact that Spanish is quickly become the most pre-dominant language in the country after English.  But Whole Foods has proven what I’ve believed all along:  You can be different, as long as it’s in the pre-approved way that upper white class moms will accept or at least tolerate.

Well, with the weekly rant out of the way, all that's left is to wish you all a Happy Fist Pump Friday!!!  Enjoy the weekend!


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