Thursday, June 27, 2013

If I Ruled the World (Imagine That)

The experiment of democracy has run its course in my opinion.  A great beginning, but now, what has it brought us?  Squabbling politicians who are mostly concerned with re-election, rather than reform.  I think we should all go to a Monarchy system, but with an elected king.  We pick him (or her), and they run the country for 4 years.  No congress, no Supreme Court, whatever they say goes.  Sure that means we'd probably be knee deep in the worst wars of our lives, but hey let's take a gamble!  It really won't change much except it will remove the congressional road blocks we face now.  Let's not pretend that there's any real separation of powers now.  Even the courts are divided by partisan politics these days.

And with that, I throw my hat in the ring.  I am announcing my run for 2016 King of America.  Obama has paved the way for Minorities to run the country, so why NOT me you jerks?!

Under my iron fist...err..I mean fair and just rule, I would enact several policies, under a doctrine I call:

The  Constitutional Commandments of Lord Ankit, King of America, For a Better and Brighter Tomorrow

1.  I will abolish all reality television programming, except for one new show, that will pit humans vs beasts in hand to hand combat.  I assume this will eventually digress over my 4 years into babies vs chickens cockfighting, but such is the underbelly of viral reality TV.

2.  I will hire Kanye West to write a new National Anthem, then denounce him as a terrorist and have him extradited from US soil.  I'd send all of Fox News with him.

3.  I will eliminate all 12352135123 factions of our military, and train new recruits to protect this country using the time honored training techniques of American Ninja Warrior.

4.  I will invade Canada.  I won't take it over completely.  Just a small piece to let them know we can take it anytime we want it.

5.  I will secede Texas to Mexico.  I suspect the massive increase in drug related genocide will stifle other foolish debates.  No other states will weep.

6.  I will create a Super Secret Section of the Secret Service known as S5, and they will fly everywhere with me in my G6.

7.  Federal holidays will increase from 10 to 15, to include, National Ankit Day, Day of Discovery (It's the day you magically find stuff around the house), Flag Day (because we seriously don't appreciate the flag enough, so we need a day off for it.), Humans vs Beasts Marathon Watch Party Day, and of course, "Cos Eff This Job" Day.

8.  Every year, that year's HTD band will be added to the FBI terrorist list.  An HTD band is defined as the band or musical artist that has been so over played that even though you once liked them, you now only wish they would die in some sort of fiery explosion that killed all their music forever.  It was named after the hated song, Hey There Delilah.

9.  I would move all funding from things like education and forests to building a space bridge to Mars.  Because no matter what you have, you can never say it's cooler than a space bridge to Mars.

10.  I would have the country's top engineers build an impenetrable fortress deep below the Rocky Mountains.  In case my space bridge doesn't pan out, I'll need a place to hide when the country revolts against me.

So that's my platform.  Please vote for me.  I don't have a Super PAC to collect money, but I will accept donations to the LAKOA fund in large value denominations.  Together, we can rule this myself.

1 comment:

  1. is Blue Langetine behind this?