Friday, July 5, 2013

Fist Pump Fridays bring Sobriety to your Anxiety

My anxiety levels have been at an all time high the last few days, thinking and dealing with the stress of buying a house, moving out of my apartment, and buying crap for the new house...it's been a lot to deal with all by myself!  I think the primary stressor is having to think about money.  I think the reason I've stayed in an apartment for as long as I have up until now is knowing that my financial obiligations were so low.  I paid rent, and the rest was just fun money for me to enjoy and spend on food and booze.  I hate money.  I hate thinking about it, planning for it, needing it, and everything about it.  Why do you think I work for the Government?  Now I'll have to think about mortgage payments, and buying drapes, and dry walling basements, and trying to outdo my neighbor's front porch tchotchkes (that's a real word! look it up.)  It's pretty much also guaranteed that at least one of my new neighbors will become my new nemesis as well.  I'll quietly hate them with the fury of a thousand suns, but only complain about them incessantly on my blog (passive aggressive much?)  Adding a new pill pushing doctor to the mix (See here), it's a wonder my head hasn't exploded.

All of these fears and anxieties built up last night into one strange and horrifying nightmare.  For what seemed like hours, I was running away, along with a group of militant humans, from horde after horde of zombies.  It was also perpetually night, with the only light coming from the glow of oil can fires, which is arguably the scariest of all fires.  Worse than the regular zombies themselves though, was a giant ball shaped monster with arms and legs, that would crash through walls, hell-bent on killing us all.  After googling that monster at work this morning, I realized that it was basically a larger, shadowy, zombified version of Mike Wozowski from Monster's Inc.  I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse...but imagine waking up from that, to the thought that you are one of only 12 people in the country that had to go to work today.  Major bummer.

In order to address the stress (wait no, how about appease my unease), I've decided to do what I do best and replace my angst with thanks (best one yet!)  So here's a list of wondrous and fantastical things that I am oh so grateful for at this moment in my life:

1.  Getting to level 50 in Candy Crush Saga.  That's right, i'm still obsessed with that game.  Thanks a lot Jane.

2.  The fact that there are so many great ways to sneak booze into our every day lives.  Check out the latest one here.  Looking back, I just read there isn't any actual alcohol in the popcorn...but that just means there's room for improvement!

3.  That my latest food truck idea has started to really take shape.  You may recall I had invented the first and only varietal drink based food truck which I had affectionatly named The Sweat n' Sip.  Well after some ideas from some friends and after taking heed to the initial reactions to the name and concept, I've made significant changes to the truck.  So I'm pleased to announce that the Sweat n' Sip will now be called, The Sip and Slobber, a food truck serving drinks and light snacks for you and your pet!  No longer will Sparky be jumping up trying to eat your nachos!  With our patent pending "doggy door", your pet can enjoy a special treat alongside you!  I think I can market my food truck on television after all those Sarah McLaughlin animal commercials, playing off your hunger AND your sadness!

4.  The fact that I live in a country that celebrates its birthday with beer and fireworks, the greatest combination of things known to mankind.  It's how we beat the aliens every time in movies if you think about it.  (DON'T think about it.)

5.  Amazon.com.  I don't feel like this needs an explanation.

6.  That I'm going tubing and hiking tomorrow with friends!

7. Because the internet keeps track of all the weird and amazing things people in this country do.

8.  The fact that this the 64th blog entry you are reading, and nobody has demanded that I write anything intelligible yet!

9.  Jeans Friday?  I don't know, I'm just trying to get this list to 10.

10.  Finally, I'm so grateful, that on this, the fist pumpiest of Fridays, even the most American man of us all is getting in on the FPF action!  Hulkamaniacs?  More like Hulkimericans!

So even if you're at work today like me, enjoy your Fist Pump Friday and have a great, zombie-free weekend!!

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