Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I Wish They All Could Be California Trolls

This week and next I'm working in Irvine, CA on a bank exam.  Just from that sentence alone you should have asked 3 questions:

1.  Where the eff is Irvine?
2.  You're doing a bank exam?  You haven't done that in a year!
3.  Seriously, where the eff is Irvine?

To answer your questions, (and more!), you need only to read on....  First off, yes I am on a bank exam, and being a year since I've done one, I've completely forgotten how to travel.  I forgot my phone charger, and a note pad, and any semblence of anythign I would need to do my job.  I seriously spent 5 minutes last week thinking about if I needed to bring my calculator or not.  I also had to call our help desk to figure out how to use my Verizon Air Card.  Seriously, it's like I was never an examiner at all...or an Indian!  It's day 2 of the exam, and I already regret signing up for it.  Everybody who works here is weird, and seem to care way too much about their jobs.  Our job is lame, why do you care so much about it you tool bags!?  Today I made an excuse to ditch the other two people I flew in from Denver with for lunch.  I don't like having to spend this much time with the same people all day long.  Really though, how did I use to do this as a living?

As to the age old Irvine question, Irvine is not San Diego.  I did not know this until I got here.  I just figured I was over in some quadrant of California that I was calling San Diego.  Instead I'm working in some big stupid tower about a 1/4 mile from John Wayne Airport, which services Irvine and Santa Ana.  Just so you know, none of the cities in California make any sense and seem to have been placed wherever with no thought process behind it.  Irvine is definitely some sort of mutation of Agrestic, or Regrestic, or I REGRET IT.  What you first see as Sunshine! Palm Trees! No Humidity! turns quickly into Landlocked! Asphalt! 23 lane roads! orange skinned people! Greasy salesmen! and probably other stuff I haven't seen yet that I will immediately dislike.  And yes, all this hate is because I don't have a rental car and can't stay by the beach.  So call it petty, but Irvine be lame y'all.  People seem nice though, I wasn't expecting that.  Just in case, I'm making an effort to frown at everybody.  I have to save the smiles for Stapleton, otherwise my neighbors will keep forgetting to invite me to parties in front of my house.

Oh PS, Irvine is in Orange County, which means somewhere out there, drinking a kale smoothie in between botox appointments, is a "Real Housewife of Orange County."  I heard if you take away all the botox, their original look is a think of natural beauty.


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