Many years ago, a wise man, sick of watching football from the sidelines, decided that he would try out for a team. Unfortunately for him, years of eating potato chips in front of a TV on his couch (hence the name, couch potato), rendered him completely ineligible for breathing normally, let alone engaging in any type of physical activity. Not to be deterred by what was surely diabetes, he decided he would invent a game where people of his health, who shared an equal fervor for the game of football and a mutual hatred of running or their hearts beating, could sit around their computer screens, and create Olympian like teams of their favorite players, and pit them against other teams created by their equally unhealthy friends.
Thus was Fantasy Football created. In its 3rd year of existence, our little Denver fantasy football league, (NFL! Now With More Murders!) has “blossomed” into a highly competitive blood sport not seen since perhaps the first Olympics. I mean, in what other world do you get to take your frustration out on a donkey piñata with the face or Aaron Hernandez (with the guns to match!), the ass of Ray Lewis’s face, and Tim Tebow sniffing the gonads? Nowhere else, that’s where!
So yeah..that happened.
In other news, yesterday I was sitting around my house searching for patio furniture when outside in the courtyard I saw a couple neighbors setting up some lawn chairs. I thought that was a little strange. Then more neighbors came outside, beers in hand. I thought, huh…that’s really strange. Then I saw other neighbors from across the street bringing a grill over. That’s when I realized that there was an informal block party going on in my courtyard that I wasn’t invited to. I quickly fixed my hair, poured some scotch and headed out as if all that was missing was my presence. Turns out that the neighbors throwing the party didn’t know I had moved in yet. Which is good, since that means they’ve not been peering into my barely curtained life. At least that was their excuse. They also claimed they put a flyer in my door about it, but I doubt it. My natural distrust aside, it turned out to be pretty fun. Got to meet a lot of new neighbors who all seemed pretty nice and friendly. I also got to meet some of the more annoying neighbors who were already listing their grievances to anybody who would listen….at least they walked me through their house so I could so awfully they live. It’s self-affirming.
Finally, I did get to reconnect with the couple I met at the meet and greet weeks ago, but forgot to exchange numbers with them. We seem to get along quite famously, so this time, after hanging out with them for a couple hours, I also forgot to exchange phone numbers with them. But I know where they live so I can stalk them until they become my friends. So many of you reading this don’t realize that I did the same thing with you. I also realized at this block party that everybody has a dog and/or a kid. Not much I can do with the latter, but I guess that means I have to get a dog. People probably already think I’m weird living in the Denver suburbs without kids, a dog or a beard. I can’t be “that guy”. Oh wait, I broke a glass at the end of the night….so I’m already “that guy”. Crap.