Monday, September 23, 2013

100th Post! Flash! Pizazz! Pomp! Circumstance!

Like the disappointment that you derive from watching any awards show, this post will let you down.  Instead of a special edition of the Denver Omlette, I will proceed to regale you with tales of my weekend activities, like I do in any old Monday blog update.  So release that anxiety built up from your expectations, and enjoy today's edition of, What I did on the Last Weekend of the Summer.

It all started way back on Thursday, when after a whole half day of pretending to work, I spent the rest of the day at a pot luck lunch and then a team building photo scavenger hunt around downtown.  This was perhaps the most fun day of work I've had in the last 10 years.  Highlights from the scavenger hunt included:

1.  Some weirdos lingering around as we tried to take a picture next to a convertible, only to find out that they were the owners of the convertible.

2.  Asking the owners if we could take a picture IN the convertible.

3.  Then asking the same owners if they could put the top down for a better picture.

4.  The looks on their faces when we told them we worked for Treasury.

5.  The receptionist on my team who kept talking about how many times she's been arrested.  Hiring standards have changed.

6.  Men going to Ross and cross-dressing for the sake of winning a $5 starbucks gift card

7.  The hilarity that ensues when teams vying for said gift card vehemently argue that a chiuaua is NOT a wild animal, but perhaps the homeless looking

On Friday, I went to my friends' five year old's Grand Friend's day at school, which I agreed to before finding out this was like 4-5 event.  Per douchebag's dictionary, a "Grand Friend" is what a overly liberal charter grade school calls grandparent's day when they don't want to offend their Bently driving PTA members who's childrens' grandparents aren't available to come.  That being said, I don't know that there was another non-grandparent at this event.  Oh wait, one girl in Liam's class did have her babysitter, which we really know was an au pair, or live-in nanny who's green card is being held hostage by her owner....err...employer.  My interpretation of this day is more interesting that anything that happened there, so I won't bore you with any other details.  The music teacher at the school called the performance the kids did an "informance", which would be annoying enough if it didn't immediately make you think of this:

The only informance you'll ever need.

So as we entered into Fall, the air in Denver has started cooling down, which is a huge boon for my yet air condition-less house.  There has even been some snow in the mountains already.  I think A-Basin got like 3 inches overnight.  Crazy.  But the Fall weather does add a little extra hitch to my step, with the cool air reminding me that very soon I'll be able to eat what I want and hide my shame beneath several layers of coats.  Other things to be thankful for right now include:

1.  The fact that Modern Family and Community are both in syndication, and can be seen on USA and whatever station channel 3 is on Dish.

2.  The fact that I'm done with all my Ikea trips for quite some time.

3.  New neighbors moving in next week, who I've already developed a good rapport with.  Hopefully they will not be the bust the other nieghbors are turning out to be.

4.  The National Football League, and the fact that I can watch it 3 out of 7 days a week.

5.  The fact that the color of my skin is now "in season" and goes with pretty much everything.

6.  That the biggest thing stressing me out at work is what kind of cake to make for somebody's birthday next week.  I'm not quite sure how I was elected to make this cake by the way, but still, this job is not hard.

7.  Corn mazes and pumpkins.  Actually, decorating my house in general for Halloween.  I can't wait to scare the crap out of the stupid neighbor kid next door.  I want her to feel the haunting terror she instills in me on a daily basis.

8.  The fact that all the good TV shows are back.

9.  That on any given day I can open up and read ridiculous articles like this one.

10.  The fact that it will be 9 months before somebody legitimately expects me to go hiking!

And that's it for my 100th post!  I know I know it was like fireworks on your computer screen.  Contain yourselves!

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