Monday, September 30, 2013

If a Geo-Physicist Falls in a Bar, Does He Make a Sound?

Over the weekend, we celebrated a friends' going away party.  They are leaving the lofty heights of Denver to move out to San Francisco.  I've already warned them about the fog in the summer and to not worry it's 90% likely that it's not the smoke monster from LOST.  They said they didn't watch LOST, and then I beat them to the ground violently (in my mind.)

We celebrated their going away by hanging out with some the strangest people I have ever met, including several misogynists, a trashy girl from LA and a really strange guy who I'm pretty sure is a serial killer.  But all in good fun!  I was also dog sitting again this weekend.  At least I think I am.  Either that I have adopted a dog for the weekends for the rest of eternity based on the number of times I've watched this dog this month.  But to give you an idea, this is how my Saturday went.

1.  Woke up at 6:15 AM to dog demanding that I let her outside to pee.  Said dog was asleep in the center of my bed, with me barely staying afloat, until that time.
2.  Dog's mission to wake me up and make me lethargic all day has worked, as I was not able to go back to sleep.
3.  Sit on couch secretly hating dog, while face melting sun rises.  Oh yeah it was also like 40 degrees that morning so I had to finally turn the heat on.
4.  Meanwhile dog finds a spot against one of my legs on the couch, which immediately raises the temperature of that leg to 1000 degrees, while the other leg continues to freeze in this abnormally cold morning.

5.  Contact friend who's going away we are celebrating, asking if she needs any help with a yard sale she's having that day.
6.  Dog climbs on my face and attempts to lick my eyeball.
7.  Friend texts back saying she just woke up, is hungover and has puke in her hair.  But she plans on rallying for that evening!

Fast forward through several of the dog's other antics which include following me around the house, begging for food, and continue her attempts to remove my eyeball with her tongue.

8.  Go to an organized Oktoberfest event by friend's house.  Event has no german music, no german beer, nor does it have brats or pretzels.  Oktoberfest in name only.  Which is annoying itself, as I had to explain to several people why Oktoberfest and October are not in any way related...they are not even based on the same language.  This was in response to several inquiries of, "why are they having this Oktoberfest in September?"  Wikipedia exists for a reason people!

9.  At the next bar, I inhaled the smoke of a thousand cancers, thanks to it being almost entirely an outdoor venue.  Which was strangely packed despite the 40 degree weather.  The serial killer bought us all food at this bar, which started my demise into walking dead status the rest of the night.  The bar was cool for only two reasons.  The significant amount of yard games it contained, and the fact that you could sit in a speed boat inside the bar.

10.  At the last bar, we sat upstairs and continued to drink.  This means somebody bought me a beer which I pretended to sip on because I was so ready to go home already.  During our stay at this bar, the very rich geo-physicist (name omitted to due to neurotic intervention) sat down next to us.  He was quite...quite drunk.  Led by his friend down the stairs to a cab unfolded in a way that you expected to happen.  His friend thought he could be a counterweight to (name omitted) drunken forward momentum.  (name omitted) was of course twice the weight of this helper, who clearly wasn't a scientist.  Otherwise, he would have hypothesized as to what was likely to happen next.  (name omitted) upper body weight, "swayed" by alcohol, propelled him into his friend causing both them to tumble down the stairs to the lower bar area.  Just went to prove his equation, that force + PBR = bruises for a week!

 So yeah...that was Saturday!  Sunday was thankfully uneventful.  Oh, I did find out that those professional photos they were taking of my 'hood were posted on the builder's website.  So if you want to see them, you can check them out here:  http://www.wonderlandhomes.com/

Mine's the first one one the left in that first banner picture.

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