Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Adventures in Weekending - Chapter 2: The Semi-Racist Pumpkin

This concludes the epic two part series retelling the tales of my past weekend.  Today's article is about Sunday.  On Sunday, some friends and I went up to Wiggins to go find our way through an epic corn maze.  Of course, any time you travel with a 5 year old to anywhere, you must remember 3 things.  First, answer their questions, but on your own time.  Don't let them believe they are the boss of the conversation.  Second, don't treat them like they are fragile.  Talk to them straight and direct, and if you are mad that they are kicking your seat, don't give them a 25 minute lecture in a semi baby voice about why it's not nice to do that and that they wouldn't like it if somebody was doing that to them and its not nice to treat people blah blah blah blah.....  Just tell them, stop kicking my seat or I'll leave you out in a field and nobody will ever find you.  They will stop.  Lastly, always remember its somebody else's kid.  So if they are not keeping up with you in the maze, it's not your job to wait for them.  You can continue on with your life no problem.

So that's how that went.  Other than the intricate maze, the other highlight of this farm, is their homemade pumpkin cannon, which is just a jacked up air compressor that's shoots medium size pumpkins at a car that's about 3000 feet away from the cannon.  Needless to say, it is awesome.  Even if the pumpkin doesn't hit the car, watching a pumpkin fly at ludicrous speeds through the air only to smash into a million pieces is enough to give me a semi.  The other interesting thing about this place, is their corn on the cob booth, and Gummo (see:  Worst movie in the world) like backwoods hill folk that run the booth.  My interaction with them went pretty much like this:

Me - (standing there in front of these two young kids who are just blankly staring at me...) "So....is the corn ready?"
Younger kid - (continues to stare blankly)
Older kid - "Uh...yeah....we just gotta wait for the butttttttterrrrrrrrrr to melt."
Me - (backing away slowly) - "Oh....ok....thanks...."
Younger kid - (opens a trash can lid as if inviting me in....)

It's strange, and extremely scary, but the corn is pretty amazing.  It helps that you dip the prepared corn into a giant tub of melted butter before you eat it.  Much like carnival food, it's best not to think too hard about the preparation when you're eating it.  Lastly, this happened:

This is what happens when you leave me to watch your kid...

After our corn maze adventure, we went back to my house and went crazy on some pumpkin carving.  Literally, including the ones my neighbors brought over, we carved 6 pumpkins!  Also, as I write this, I realize I forgot to take a picture of my pumpkin, which was the whole point behind today's blog post title.  I'll have to put a picture in tomorrow's post so you can see what I'm talking about...Basically, I think half of the face of my pumpkin is sort of racist on old TV-"China-man" stereotypes.  You'll see why tomorrow....

I also told Liam that his pumpkin looked like he had cerebral palsey.  He didn't get the comment, but he did understand the insult to his drawing skills, which I supposed offended him.  He quickly forgot about it though, as during our carving, a large group of kids spilled out of a house and started trampling my flower bed looking for hidden pumpkin baskets full of candy.  This Easter/Halloween crossover was strange enough to think aloud, "what are these kids doing?"  Liam, upon hearing this, opened the front door and screamed out, "HEY WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING!?"

Finally, in a completely unrelated subject, one of my neighbors came knocking on my door last night letting me know that she and her husband found a stray dog and were asking if I wanted it....before I could answer, she immediately backed off saying, no you don't have to answer.  It's probably a bad sign that I'm considering taking this dog more to make my neighbors happy, than for any desire to want a dog.  Probably the same reason people have kids... 

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