Tuesday, October 8, 2013

We're Gonna Party Like It's 1998

1998 was inarguably the worst year of music since the beginning of sound.  You had songs like:

Eve 6 - Inside Out
Semisonic - Closing Time
Third Eye Blind - Semi Charmed Life

But wait...it gets worse.  You also had:

Shania Twain - You're Still the One
K-Ci and JoJo - All My Love
Will Smith - Gettin Jiggy Wit It

You think that's bad???  What about:

LeAnn Rimes - How Do I Live
Marcy Playground - Sex and Candy
Faith Hill - This Kiss
Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On

But of course, worst of all, in the annals of vomit inducing sounds, was:

Chumbawumba - Tubthumping

Of course this was at the height of boy bandery, when America, and subsequently the rest of the world, had given up on trying to make actual music anymore.  This was when P-Diddy was still Puffy, and Beyonce was still pretending to need a group.  These songs were the opposite of the yearly HTD I'm always talking about.  These weren't songs that you ever liked.  They were always so awful, that you  don't know why they kept playing them over and over and over...and for bands like Semisonic, why Denver keeps playing them over and over and over still!  No, these were the songs that just never go away.  You hear them and you instantly want to just take that wheel and drive your car off a bridge immediately just to end any memory of that song.  Why did 1998 even happen?  What conspiracy was this to destroy our sense of self worth with mind numbing cackling coming through the car radio?  And worse, we were buying these CDs.  Take stock of your life right now.  How many of you actually have some of these CDs stashed away in some box still?  I bet you have more on this list than you'd care to admit.  It's ok to destroy these now.  I'll give you a minute to do that now...

....annnnd we're back.  Didn't that feel cathartic?  Hold your head high, the weight of musical shame has been lifted from your shoulders.  You can now move forward, just like America did...for a brief time.  Because in one post soon, we're going to have to start going through your 1999 collection...you know..the year Britney burst onto the scene.

Of course times are not infinitely better now, when we celebrate "artists" like Miley Cyrus.  Although, at least we have mechanisms like SNL to make us both hate her weird and gross ways, while respecting her ability to turn a song into a parody about the Ridiculan Party.

We Did Stop!

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