Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Thank You For Calling, How May I Hate You Today?

Well it's Thanksgiving week folks, and day 2 of the epic fu manchu.  At this point, I think I've guilted enough people who said they were participating, only to chicken out when they decided they didn't want a fu manchu, to go back and actually shave their faces for the contest.  I mean...it's for charity people!  Anyways, I'll save the Turkey Day blog for tomorrow, because today I'd like to tell you a little something about what I do for a living.  For those of you that don't know, I basically work at a call center for the most ridiculous company in the world.  The Government.  It's a shame too, because I feel like I spent my whole life trying to avoid typical Indian stereotypes of becoming a doctor or engineer, only to become a customer service call center employee.  How's that for irony?  What's worse, is that my customers are not average Joe's who just want to understand what the usury tax on their Verizon bill means.  No, my callers are 75 year old bankers who want to know if I'll approve an application they haven't filed yet.  Because apparently I'm a pre-cog.

See minutes 1:05-1:15

Today I've been inundated with these calls.  Here's how a few of these convos went:

Fool:  Hi.  Review this document and tell me if it's ok.
Me:  Ok...send it to me in an email....
Fool:  *sends email*
Me:  Uh, there's no document attached to this email
(The Next Day)
Fool:  I'm waiting for you to tell me if that document was ok or not.....
Me:  Uh...what document.  I told you I never got one.
Fool:  I sent it!!
Me:  No.  You did not.
Fool:  Oh ok, I'll send it then.


And then there was the hour and a half conference call I just got out of that went like this:

Room Full of Jokers:  So we are proposing this transaction, but instead of talking about it, we'd like to give you the history of our bank since it's inception in 1985.
Me:  OK.......
Me in My Mind:  Yeah...inception is right....because i've fallen asleep already, and am dreaming about falling asleep and dreaming.  Brain Five!
Room Full of Jokers: (an hour later):  So that's why we think we're awesome
Me:  OK........
Me in My Mind:  I hate you so much.  Moreover, I hate myself for having listened to you this long without telling you that you are cracktards.  All I want to do right now is tell you all to never call me again, reassess my life, drop the mic and peace out to HH.  At 11 AM.....
Room Full of Jokers:  So what do you guys think about this proposal?
Me:  Um...well...there are some high hurdles that you'd have to cross there....
Me in My Mind:  DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

So this is my life now.  I've reach the pinnacle of my career here at this agency, as a typical Indian call center employee with good benefits.  Just think, I could have been an engineer, drawing stuff with math....and what not...  Yes, that's correct that I don't know what an engineer does.  Don't tell my dad or my brother.  I couldn't care less about what that job is.  Unless it's driving a train.  In that case, tell me everything.

In Conclusion, this is me today.

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