Friday, December 6, 2013

A Seasonal Guide to Fist Pumpery

Ahh Friday!  The pinnacle of existence.  The reason we go to work each morning...hell, the only reason I get up at all on Fridays is knowing that the next day I can get up oh so slightly later.  Even the small victories are worth it!  The end of the week truly is a reason for celebration.  And why not?  Two days off of revelry before we restart this mind numbing life force draining machine of work again.  We get to rejuvenate our souls!  Replenish what little drive we have left to breathe every day!  Rejoice in the fact that we don't have to step outside into the -1 degree weather at 6 AM just so we can catch a bus for our long commute to work where we sit for 9 hours doing abso-effing-lutely nothing but writing blogs and avoiding phone calls.  This is totally relatable to everybody right?

Well just knowing that the weekend is mere hours away is a reason to start pumping those fists in the air.  But let's not cheapen the activity by just going all Jersey Shore on it.  Let's remember that every fist pump should have meaning behind it.  In today's FPF installation, we examine the changing seasons in Colorado, and the Fist Pumps behind each one.


Springtime in the Rockies is a pretty great time of year.  The frigid cold of winter starts releasing its icy grip, with only intermitten raging snow storms that we didn't even see in Winter to remind us that "Eff You, I'm Mother-effin' Nature!"  But with the spring, sports that aren't football come back to us.  Basketball takes us into the playoffs and March Madness.  Baseball begins its spring training.  And this athleticism is not restricted to just the professionals.  Spring also brings the return of some Denver's craziest 5Ks.  Oh sure the people that were snow shoeing and ice luging just months earlier are like, "please call me when there's a Ultra Marathon happening.  I'll be over at REI teaching the employees how to parkour up a 14er."  But for the rest of us, there are crazy fun 5Ks that involve carpet bombing people with different colors as they run through an amusement park.


The great thing about Spring is that with the intermitten snow storms, it gives us an excuse to just ease into the more active summer lifestyle.  Sure you run a 5K, but then 2 days later it's a blizzard so you sit at home and watch Downton Abby all day.  Because once that last frost hits, summer comes out in full force.  It's at this time, that you start looking westward to the mountains for any excuse to get some respite from the triple digit heat.  While the parks are full with volleyball games, and the dusty roads reflecting the sun as if the entire city was a sauna (pronounced sow-u-na), intrepid Denverites typically head up to the mountains to conquer.....something.  Then after trekking their way up the treacherous paths, the quad killing switchbacks, and the fear inducing rock scrambles, they reach the peak....and then ruin it all by doing god awful poses like this one.


As we cross the summer solitice and Saturn moves into Jupiter (I don't know what that means), we start noticing the days getting ever so slightly shorter and shorter.  As a crisp bite to the air seeps in the early morning and late evenings, we lament over how short the summer seemed, and how it was JUST SNOWING like a couple months ago.  But we do appreciate what autumn really brings.  The changing color the aspens...the reintroducting to all things pumpkin spiced, and most importantly, the start of Football season.  This religious holiday is one of the greatest phenomenon of all time.  It comes right after aurora borealis, and before sliced bread.  Because let's face it, there are so many things greater than sliced bread.  Why the hell do we use that phrase?  Who is so lazy that they thought pre-sliced bread was god damn amazing?  But I digress....  Here in Colorado, football is celebrated much like other sports, but even more so here, because we have one of the greatest football hereos ever known.

HAHAHA Sike!  You know I really meant this guy.


With three wonderful seasons behind us, we're left only with the harsh realization that it is winter.  Oh sure, the world over we have tried to gussy up this season with holiday cheer.  We said, "we'll be warm if we have full bellies" so Thanksgiving was born.  We said, "what if we dress up somebody in a giant fur coat and roast the one nut nobody actually knows how to eat over the fireplace?"  Hence, Christmas.  Hell we even said, "Nothing else has worked, let's commit suicide by alcohol poisoning and bad life decisions."  Thus...New Years Eve.  Sure there are slopes to be skied, pow to be shredded(?), snow to be shoed......but screw that.  It is time to hibernate.  Let us not celebrate this season.  Or else we'll all end up like this fool.

This picture was taken early Wednesday morning near the park n ride where I catch the bus.

And with that I wish you all a very merry Fist Pump Friday!!!

PS - Bonus Video Treat.  Just because.  If you're a guy it will probably give you a boner.  Just saying.

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