Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I Lick Your Boom Boom Now...Unless There's a Quarter In It.

Today's temperatures in Denver should reach a sunny 53 degrees, melting much of what little snow we got on Monday.  In that sense, and as I've mentioned before, we are lucky our here in the western praire, where snow fall has been infrequent this winter, and weekend weather has been sunny and downright pleasant.  While much of the midwest is generally jealous of our weather, nobody told them to live in Minnesota, so shut up about it.  I won't say the same to my friends in the South, who put up with so much humidity, pollution and racism all for the sake of having year round warmth and winter bragging rights.  But now, the South is covered in a blanket of snow.  With significant accumulation in the Carolinas, and people sleeping in CVS's all across Atlanta, traffic at a standstill in Birmingham, and New Orleans making up words like Sneauxmageddon, it's clear that our weather is out of whack in this country. 

Of course on twitter that means 612342134166 people stopped believing in Global Warming, which is the most poorly labeled term for a phenomenon since the very difficult to spell quickly word, phenomenon.  That's why politicians and scientists changed the term to "Climate Change" recently.  I don't understand it fully either, but at least there are people out there that do.  Here's an article from Slate that explains why the New Orleans is colder than southern Alaska right now.  It basically has something to do with jet streams and oscillators and the other really easy to understand, in no way confusing concepts that are understood by only a handful of people.

I'm surprised nobody's coined the phrase, "Informer-pocalypse"  (See what I did there?)

Despite the wrath of weather cast down on the deep south, I couldn't seem to muster enough sympathy to read about it for more than 5 minutes during my morning internet channel surfing.  I mean this, that article I linked was in the middle of a chain of articles that start with "Mindful Eating Habits to Keep You On Your Diet" and ended with "Three Ways to Hide Booze When You Shouldn't Be Drinking Booze."

If that doesn't say something significant about me, I don't know what does.

In PAH related news, yesterday at volunteering my 65 year old friend who usually says some crazy, unfiltered stuff, said some crazy, unfiltered stuff.  In a conversation that started with how she once saw Toby Keith at a bar in Nashville, ended with her telling me about a bar game that she claims is common, called Plopping.

Plopping.  It's as bad as it sounds.

She described the game where you put a shot glass on the floor, and then hold a quarter between your "cheeks" and try to drop it into the shot glass.  I immediately screamed out, "WAIT WHAT!??!?!" and then, much to my friend's embarassment, poll the entire kitchen to see if anybody else had heard of this absurd game.  Of course, nobody else had.  And before I answer your two questions you inevitably have on this game, I have to tell you that she said one time a friend of her's was playing it and actually broke the shot glass.  What kind of force would be needed to expel a quarter from your butt into a shot glass that would shatter it?!  It's horrifying to think about.  Think about it.  Horrifying.

But to answer your questions, NO, nobody had to drink out of the shot glass afterwards, and YES, it is played over the jeans.  Pervert.

PS - I googled plopping this morning and couldn't find any description of this game, further cementing my belief that this lady is insane (I still love her though.)  I did see a rather terrible definition on urban dictionary which I don't think I'll explain here.  But you can only imagine, since every definition of everything on urban dictionary is terrible.

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