Monday, January 6, 2014

In 2014, I Will Finally Find out what Auld Lang Syne means.

Happy New Year and welcome to another year of long, rambling pointless blogging!  2013 was a pretty good year in my opinion and capped off by a nice long vacation in Florida.  Unfortunately, the rest of America went into a "Day After Tomorrow" scenario due to what the news described as a Polar Vortex.  Only Randy Quaid survived.  Florida was relatively untouched, although the temperatures tomorrow are supposed to drop to a chilly 50 degrees.  A poll of Florida residents blames this on "a lack of respect by teenagers."  They're probably right.

But here I sit in the airport waiting for my flight these evening thinking about the last two weeks.  My trip was an eventful trip, yet maybe one of the calmest and easiest trips home I've ever head.  I give full credit to my niece, who proved be a unifying distraction for everybody in the family.  It's true that actions speak louder than words, because she can only really say "Ba ba bah!!!!" and "Jabajabajba!!!", but just her shaking her head no at something seemed to bring a smile to everybody's face.  Here's probably the one and only picture I took of her the whole trip.

Oh that's right.  I took more pictures of this grouper sandwich than I took of my niece!  But let's be real, Florida grouper is a thing of legend, and pretty much anybody can make a baby (even guys according that that one documentary with Danny De Vito and Arnold Schwarzenegger.)  And this was probably the biggest piece of grouper I've ever had.  I had a lot of amazing fish while in town this trip.  It's a dark reminder though, of the lack of cheap, quality seafood in Denver.  Which doesn't bode well for me since I've agreed to go full on Pescetarian with my friend this new year.  To the unpretentious, that means no chicken, beef, or pork.  The latter is most important, because that means no bacon or sausage.  Which means if I get the craving, I'll have to settle for "Fakin'" or "Nawwwsauge."  I don't know if that last one is real, but that's what they should call it, right?!

 But seriously, I'm only doing this for the competition of seeing if I can outlast my friend, who's already told me she's not "taking it all that seriously."  I guess that makes it a little less douchey right?  Since I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons?  Which by the way is only reason I do anything.  Including writing this blog.

Anyways, that was 2013.  Other things happened on my trip like seeing friends, and whatever, but who cares.  You're the ones who read this blog.  You already know what happened.  Let's move on already to 2014.  Since we're still in the hangover period of the new year, it means New Years Resolutions are still relevant for at least another week.  Personally I haven't made a New Year's Resolution since the year I was in Orlando and we wrote down resolutions and threw them into a fire, Sorcerer style.  I figured I'd never be able to top that.  Also, since I don't remember what that resolution was, I'm going to assume it came true...........on a flying Hogwarts.

But that doesn't meant that this blog can't make some resolutions for this fresh new year!  So here we go, with the first post of 2014, I give you the cheapened form of a blog that you all seem to love....a bullet point list!


In 2014, The Denver Omlette will increase readership to 10 readers, until 2 of them die in a fiery blog related explosion.

In 2014, I will be more aggressive on my stance on the general usage of ketchup, and how it goes on everything, but is still some how disgusting at the same time.

In 2014, I promise to write more about my death inducing experiences.  Last year was all drowning in rapids.  This year I will likely either almost die in an avalanche, scrambling over rocks, or falling down the stairs.

In 2014, I promise to bring back the Oxford comma, like I did in the previous resolution.  Too long as America forced it's incorrect grammar on the world!

In 2014, I resolve to write more about the dog I'm soon to get.  This dog, which likely became less tame the longer I own it, is also the reason that falling down the stairs will become a likely reason for my untimely demise.

In 2014, I resolve to put up more pictures in these posts.  It's unfair to make you read like this.  But not this one, becuase, you know, shut up.

In 2014, I promise to have a more positive outlook on life.  Until Yahoo News tells me something Fox News said and that outlook is ruined again.

In 2014, I promise to give you slackjawed minions a more culturally relevant blog, with pictures of Yosemite and Mount Rushmore and birds and elk and crap like that.  Maybe I'll even get some pictures of native Denverites smoking so much weed they comatize themselves into a hazy stupor.  I will not smoke any of these weed personally, if only to remain ever vigilant and be able to report to you the rapid increase in the "goddamn hippies" infilitrating this town.

In 2014, I swear to god I'm gonna find some Stapleton Swingers.  They're out there somewhere, and I feel like I'll just lose sleep until I'm able to identify them.  I"m basically Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut.  Not how you're thinking....this isn't a "not wanting to see behind the veil" scenario.  I meant I'm into stupid movies.

Finally, in 2014, I promise to keep my lists at 10 things, as all lists should include.  But those 10 things will be effing spectacular.  THIS, I resolve.

Ok fine, here's a real picture of my niece.  She's pretty awesome.

1 comment:

  1. I didnt know it was a competition! In that case, youre goin down!