Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Reality is Less Real Than Reality Television

Last night, instead of folding laundry, sweeping and mopping the floor, cooking dinner or the myriad of other things I should have been doing when I got home, I watched a couple episodes of Opposite Worlds.  The show, which debuted on the well respected Syfy Network (Remember, they brought us Sharknado), is about a group of people, divided into teams, each competing for $100,000, which will likely all go to therapy years later when they realize how they've wasted their lives.

The show is basically Survivor meets Big Brother, which I suppose is still just survivor, meets American Idol.  Why American Idol?  I'll get to that.  The premise of the show is a group of people who are divided into two groups, and live in a giant house separated down the middle with voyeuristic plexiglass.  One half of the house is "futuristic" meaning everything in the house is white and there are pointless blue lights because apparently that's the future.  Those people get refrigerators and hot tubs and yoga pants, yet they still sleep on shitty meth lab looking futons.  Go figure.

The other side of the house is "past world" and the people there wear fur skins, and sleep on straw, and use celery as utensils and use outdoor showers.  So basically, this divided home represents Boulder Colorado.  The two teams compete in elimination style physical challenges called "Duals of Destiny."  The players selected for Duals of Destiny come from each team and are selected by "The Decider."  The decider is either person each team selects as their "Protected", and is ultimately decided on through "fans" of the show via twitter votes.  Confused yet?  Other than eliminations, it seems like the only other aspect of the show is that people watching also rank all the participants in the show by popularity.  Each night the most popular person gets some special privilege, and the least popular player  gets version of punishment.  Because THAT'S necessary.  The show is done "live", and pushed along by this strange Australian host who very overtly asks questions that are basically, "why don't you cry right now?" and "you're trying to betray your teammates right?" and "stop saying nice things, or we'll never get Survivor like ratings you jackass!"

So after watching one and a half episodes of this show, I realized that I am wasting my life completely both at work and home now.  And while there's comfort in knowing that there are people in this world who seem to be wasting it way worse than me (i.e. everybody on the Syfy network), the time for change is now.  I have to make drastic, complete and significant changes to the way I do things and I have to start doing that ri.....ahhh forget it.  I changed my mind.  Instead lets just all watch this video of Olympic mogul skiers getting blown up by Star Wars lasers.

Anyways, speaking of bad shows, how about the Bachelor?  Lauren O'Brien (who is hilarious) does a pretty good spoof on what I assume is every girl watching the Bachelor ever.

This one is pretty funny too. 

OK, that's it for me.  It's not even 8:30 in the morning here, and I'm done for the day week month.

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