Thursday, February 6, 2014

Oh Man....I forgot about Water World. Kevin Costner's the Worst!

Every month, on a Wednesday, I go during my lunch hour to a bar in lower downtown.  My purpose is not to drink, which I don't (although one is owed to me when I'm there), or to eat, or anything else one might do at a bar.  My purpose is to get a hair cut.  This bar, called the Retro Room, is a bar / hair salon, and on Wednesdays, they do a guy's hair cut special that's hard to pass up.  I used to go after work when I lived downtown, and would get a complimentary whiskey to go along with my haircut.  When I first started going there, I assumed it was so I wouldn't complain if my haircut was crooked.  But after having gone regularly for over a year to the same place, I've developed a repoir with my stylist, and it feels very natural to talk to her about the goings on over the last month.  The fact that we only talk once a month though is strange.  It feels like we're having a very long conversation, broken by months.  It's like who people who use to correspond by letters must have felt.  They said their piece, asked some questions, and made clever comments on the current topics, and then waited with bated breath for a response that wouldn't come for weeks or months.  Or in case of that movie with Kevin Costner playing a postman, forever, since all of them just kept dying in the woods.  God that movie sucked, but some how I've watched it twice.  Kevin Costner as Robin Hood, ok.  As a soldier who learns about Native Americans? Sure fine.  As Whitney Houston's bodyguard?  I don't think anybody bought that one but whatever.  But to make an epic film about a post man?  FedEX would never have stooped so low.

Anyways, it got me thinking, what if letter writing was the only way to communicate in the modern era.  What kind of conversations would people even have anymore.

Me:  Dear friend and / or casual acquaintance,  have you tried the new vietnamese restaurant downtown?  Their pho is dope.  I don't know what they put in the broth, but it's like CRACK, you know what I'm saying?  Anyways, KIT.  TTYL.

Them:  Dear Denver Om., thank you for writing me.  I've seriously had no human contact in weeks since the big paper and pen shortage.  Thanks for the recommendation, I'll definately try the new restuarant.  I love pho!  What the hell does KIT TTYL mean?  You take all this time to mail me a letter and you have to talk in abbreviations?

Me:  Dear friend, OH MY GOD.  I hope you haven't gone to that restaurant I told you about.  After I mailed that letter, I got really sick and was in the hospital for 6 days.  I'd have written you but I was too weak.  I found out they are poisoning the soup!  DO. NOT. GO. THERE.

And then there'd be no response....  [SCENE]

So it's much better, obviously, that we live in an era that the only thing we have to wait for in the mail every day is a Red Plum flyer and an offer from DISH networks.  PS - that story above was NOT ripped from the headlines or based on true events.  Where I live the pho IS dope.

Anyways, today is the end of my week, as flex scheduling has once again allowed me to take a 3 day weekend.  This weekend I have very specific goals that I hope to accomplish.

1.  See the lego movie.
2.  Go to the grocery store so I can stop living off PB&Js and cereal
3.  Meet my potential new roommate.
4.  Buy a new bed.
5.  Get up off the couch to do any of the previously listed items.  This may be the hardest task I've ever faced in my life.  Also it's 6 degrees outside right now, and that's the warmest it's been in 3 days.

W. T. Fuck.

OH YEAH!  I forgot, also the Winter Olympics start today (although officially tomorrow?)  So for anybody that cares about it, here's wishing you all have a happy Thumbs Up Thursday for the Gold!

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