Thursday, February 20, 2014

Title: Untitled

These days, if you don't have a late night talk show, you're just nobody.  And if you're that network that doesn't have a late night talk show, good luck staying alive pal!  I mean NBC has a couple, CBS has a couple, ABC has a half....Kimmel sucks but his viral video bits are pretty good.  Plus it's funny that he decided to make Matt Damon his nemesis.  Hell, even Arsenio is back on Fox now.  TBS has Conan, even TNT has Barkley!  Yes, Inside the NBA counts.  AMC has Talking Dead.  That's for real too.  Heck even Comedy Central has the Daily Show and Colbert.  The recent retirement of the chin featuring Jay Leno and the change up with Jimmy Fallon taking over has already proven to be a success.  At least based on my 2 minute clip view of crap that I hear was funny from You Tube.  Thank god for YouTube.  Gone are the days of having to wade through 58 minutes of crap to get the one thing that's funny.  But this ragtime version of the Remix to Ignition is pretty great.  Like....makes me wish I was in a barbershop quartet great.

Even Seth Meyers getting in on this Late Night talk show business is a good thing, even though Seth Meyers is basically a clone of a clone of Adam Sandler.  The documentary Multiplicity taught us nothing apparently.  Which is why brain farts like Seth Meyers exist.  But at least he has Fred Armison as his band leader!  That's gotta be pretty great.  If not, it's ok.  It's on at like 12:30 AM...nobody is watching.  Except on YouTube.

In other news, my family, comprising my brother, sister-in-law, 16 month old niece and my sister are all coming into town today.  Other than the fact that the IKEA memory foam mattress I bought for the guest room still smells suspiciously like chemical waste, I think it will be a fun and event filled weekend.  And by "event" I mean eating.  This is the perfect crowd of people that would be happy to do nothing else but eat.  My kind of people.  Oh wait they ARE my people.  Although my brother has already texted me that we need to go to Target the second they get here so they can get whole milk, string cheese and "warm boot things", which I assume are just boots.  I even bought a high chair from some random lady online in anticipation of their visit.  I fully expect them to snub their noses at this used, probably recalled high chair that will serve no other purpose after this one visit they will ever make, but I felt proud that I was so thoughtful.  And now you can feel that way about me too.

But there's a lot of great things that will happen both as a result of this weekend, and in the weeks to come, which I 'd like to list out for you now, in the beloved format of a 10 item list.

1.  Seeing my niece before the cute wears off and she turns to ugly.  She still has time...I'm thinking she will be 3 or 4 that it all goes downhill.

2.  The stupid goddamn winter olympics will be over.  I miss my shows!  Also, I worry for the survival of our Olympians.  They would surely die if they had to slopestyle for another week.

3.  I may be getting my new roommate by March 1st!  I'm already regretting it completely.  What about me screams mature and able to manage a dog?

4.  Getting my taxes done.  Hello refund!  One thing I hate about these online tax preparers is that they they recalculate your refund as you enter new information.  It's actually kind of like a sad gameshow.  You put in one W-2 and all of a sudden you got this fat refund coming in.  Then you keep putting in more and more information, and that number goes down....until it reaches a point where you're just happy you don't owe anything.  For that reason, I think I would not like to ever be on a game show.  Also I don't like shouting, which is why I can't be on Wheel of Fortune.

5.  Breckenridge Ice Castles.  I"m going tomorrow.  In my mind, they are imposing fortresses made of gigantic frozen blocks of ice.  In reality, they're probably just a tourist trap.  I'm also deathly afraid of the frozen lobotomizers known as icicles that will probably be all around these castles.  I may wear a helmet.

6.  That Portlandia comes back a week from today!

7.  My birthday!  It's coming up soon people.  Get your acts together and work on that musical montage to me you've been preparing years for.

8.  Found a new awesome dim sum spot recently.  Seriously, every town needs at least one good dim sum spot.  Many more trips will be made there.  Much food will be over-indulged there.  I hope that one day they recognize me when I come in and just stare in fear at the amount of food I'm about to consume.

9.  In exactly 9 weeks, I will be running in my 2nd annual Graffiti Run 5K Which I'm Woefully Unprepared For race.  I race this EVERY year, in order to raise awareness for lazy people who should have been training knowing full well they registered for a race, but would rather have sat on the couch instead of training.  It's a real problem in my household.  And maybe in others' too.

10.  Finally, I'm really excited for this stupid windy, cold weather to be over and to have some consistent days of warm sunshine!  I really just want to find out if this maple tree in my yard is actually alive or not.  I wonder if it's under warranty.....


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