Friday, February 14, 2014

What the Hell Was This Post Supposed To Be About?

Valentine's Day is a uneventful day for single people like me.  After a short biased poll, I think it's a non-event for most people with kids too, but especially for the singles crowd.  Luckily, it's importance in the hallowed halls of history seems to have diminished as of late, and it's not AS in your face as say, the Olympics?

But for that reason, I shall spend MY Valentine's Day evening reading the relatively new Dan Brown book, Inferno. I was surprised however, when I purchased it today on Amazon, even in it's kindle-iest version, that I was charged sales tax.  What is this new sales tax on my Amazon purchases, I wondered with far more expletives.  Since when did the government start going after my online purchases of e-books, paper towel holders and cell phone covers?  Well after some research I found out that Colorado has started forcing, through indirect means, large e-retailers to start charging sales tax on your purchases.  Of course, I debate whether an e-book, which is not really a tangible thing, can be considered delivered to Colorado but whatever.  And Colorado isn't the only one!  Other states charging sales tax include Arizona, California, Connecticut, Georgia, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia and Wisconsin!  They're all in cahoots!  My native state of Florida still doesn't charge sales tax, but when Buzzfeed has quizzes like, "Did this happen in Florida or Russia?", you can't really applaud the state too much.

This new level of taxation makes me question what kind of bargain I'm getting when I purchase something online.  It's already questionable to buy something that you can't put your hands on, and inspect for cracks.  And if you don't like something, sure they SAY the return policy is easy, but tell that to this writer, who got roped into a whole conversation with the guy from the UPS store when trying to return a stupid pillow I bought online.  I think I blogged about that before but if I didn't, it went something like this.

Store Mgr.:  Oh you're Indian!  I'm Indian!
Me:              Oh.
Store Mgr.:  Where are you from?!  When did you get here?!  You should come to my church!
Me:              Oh, that's nice.....thank you.....
Store Mgr.:  You should come to my house for dinner!  My wife will cook!
Me:              Ok....I gotta go....bye.

I may or may not have run away screaming.  I can't remember.  Thank god he didn't ask me why I didn't like the pillow.  That was a whole other issue that would have probably ended with me feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt and taking the pillow back and just learning to like it.

Anyways, if you thought this new sales tax is the most taxing thing on the internet today, you'd be wrong.  (If segues were an olympic event, I would have just won Gold.)  Today I saw an article about drivers in Miami Beach who are furious at these new yellow signs that say "Stop for Pedestrians in Crosswalks."  Apparently, no driver in Miami understands traffic rules, which after living there for 7 years is not that suprising.  I mean, I learned long ago not to go on Green right when the light changes.  You wait for the additional 4 cars that are going to run the red light before you make your way out into an intersection.  I mean, in Miami more people getting moving violations for blocking intersections than speeding tickets.  I guess the cop on the Dolphin Expressway would have had to be going less than super sonic speed in order to see anybody else speeding to begin with.  In Miami, they award points to the people that can drive the fastest and loudest with the least use of turn signals in between traffic lights.  With all that being true, how can you expect any real Miami driver to understand what a small yellow sign with a picture of a stop sign, over a person walking across a street could mean.  They didn't grow up learning english pictures! 

I have to tell you, I pointed this article out to a friend of mine in Miami, who is "Latin American", and she confessed to have done this very thing....blew right through one of those crosswalks with people in them.  Seems logical that if people are in the road you don't run them over, but you have to remember, at their very core, Miamians are this:

And if you think THAT'S the saddest thing  in Florida happening right now, , try to wrap your skull filling around this: 

There is are two McDonalds in Tampa, FL right now that are taking dinner reservations for a candlelit Valentine's Day dinner.  I'm not joking.  I guess it makes sense.  A quick fast food V-Day dinner before your stripper girlfriend goes back to work seems pretty logical to me.

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