Tuesday, July 1, 2014

You Can't Squirt It At The Taco!

I think my latest round of ideas, memorialized mostly by notes I make on my phone, which sometimes get misspelled into other great ideas due to auto-correct (should be called idea-improver), are best expressed in song.  And no song tells a story of half-ideas and incomplete sentences better than the one written by Billy Joel. 

World Cup soccer, santagria, flavored testes, cult hotels
a great idea, lets close the borders, American Wide Web
July 4th party, G-Dub costumes, LeBron wants money, let him leave
WTF, ESPN keeps freezing and COCUS is a bobble head!

You can't squirt it at the taco!
It's a double entendre but meaning's tawdry!
You can't squirt it at the taco!
That kid is scarred for life, for life, for liiiiiiife!

 THE END.

Like all those inside jokes that you only get 2 or less of?  Sorry.

Anways, in other life relevant news, last Saturday I went to an event that combined 3 of my favorite things.  America!  Drinking!  Fest!  The somethingth annual Drink the District festival happened in the poorly planned and worsely named NoMa district.  For $30, I partook in a schmorgsabord of 2 ounce pours of American made craft beers and wine.  Not sure if hte wine was craft.  Not sure if craft wine is a thing.  Why isn't craft wine a thing?  NEXT GREAT IDEA.

I went to the event with a friend of mine, who while starting off nice enough...






Quickly unleashed her rage....



Thank god the cameras were there to capture it all!

Anyways, what else can we talk about?  How about that SCOTUS ruling on Hobby Lobby?  So first businesses can decide what part of what laws they believe in by saying that have religious issues with it.  Awesome.  Next up, Five Guys is gonna say that don't believe in serving women.  It's against their religion, Dudeism.  Then what?  Some company says they don't have to follow any laws that were made in the last few years based around logic or reason because they are Scientologists?  Luckily that will probably have a zero impact on society.

OK already tired of talking about this.  What else?  This is a short post today.  Whatever, YOU start a blog then if you're so great!

Oh yeah I can talk about how ridic my hotel I'm in is.  So I'm staying in this new Marriott Marquis by the convention center in DC.  And if I were you, I would avoid staying there if at all possible.  Sure it's just 3 metro stops from work and sure it's huge and has a huge tv in the lobby and a nice gym.  But that, my friends, is where the benefits end and trouble begins.

First indication of a problem was calling the front desk the first day asking about the internet.  When somebody at a hotel answers your call with, "Yeah?"  it kind of makes you feel like you're asking a Motel 6 manager if you can have an extra hour on the vibrating bed.

Next, I go out the front door to get a cab to see my friend.  Valet guy tells me, "Just take that town car over there...they'll charge you the same as a cab!"  to which I say, "are you sure...same as a regular cab?" to which he says, "yeah, exact same as a cab."  Spoiler alert:  It wasn't the same as a regular cab.

Then, you have this beautiful french gothic meets modern 3 room concierge lounge, which serves inconsistent food that's cold when they actually bother bringing it out...which is rarely.

But the piece d'resistance of this hotel is their cleaning crew.  I came back to the hotel Sunday evening after being out all day, slightly drunk to find a room that hadn't been touched by a cleaning crew.  When I called down to question the response was, "sorry we had people check out today."  That's like saying, "sorry your A/C doesn't work, we have it in other rooms today."  So I say, "come on guys, this is negligent.  I'm going out right now for a few hours.  fix it!"  I come back to the room around 9:45 PM, to some cleaning lady just starting to make the bed.  Instead of apologizing she makes me prove that it's my room.  Come on.  COME ON.

Anyways, I complained and got some extra points.  But I still have two more weeks here so we'll see how it all goes.  I heard there's countries that don't have access to clean water....so yeah....my problem's worse.